My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
