If i come over, it means nothing
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
