He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
