is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
