I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
