somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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