Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
