it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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