I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
