I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
