So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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