walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
