I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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