Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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