your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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