I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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