Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
