Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
