do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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