Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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