Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
