when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
