i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
