we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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