So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
