My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
