He had one of those small greek statue penises
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
