Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
