Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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