Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
