yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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