So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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