Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
