why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
