Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
