mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
