Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
