no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
