I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
