You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How does one acquire holy water?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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