u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
