Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
