Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
