Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the day after is always just damage control
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
