This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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