Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need water and some morals
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
