i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
