i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
