Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
