At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
